February 2012
8 posts
i dont know what to believe anymore
it’d be a hoot if you were playing me. i’d probably slap myself in the face for being so stupid
maybe this is where i fall short, and this is why you shouldnt be with me. go ahead with her, i’m sure she’d be great for you when all i can say is i’m sorry. i’m bad at the whole being caring thing or whatever. i’m just bad at it. maybe i’m just being stupid. but i dont know whats been wrong or right. i’m insecure about everything, and that includes where...
fuck crying
i hate it
i havent had a full on cry like that in a while
it scares me how much i’ve thought of suicide lately
listening to cough syrup just makes me think of it more
i know i never would but i just feel like this isnt healthy
someone get me out of this house and just take me away
i’d like to stop going to sleep crying or feeling so terrible that i wish i could go to sleep and never wake up so i wouldnt have to feel anything anymore
I wish it would get easier
i still have a long way to go though and with all these stupid reoccurring thoughts and ideas its impossible to have a good day. everyday is filled with what if’s or maybes. everyday is filled with stupid ideas about second guessing my relationship stuff and my insecurity about my self as well as where i stand with my friends. and physically, i feel so damn alone,...
for the first couple minutes, i didnt really care that you forgot, but then i just kind of stared at what you said and then it actually started to hit me
and now it really hurts and it’s stupid and even as i tell you its ok it just kinda hurts more but its stupid because its not like we’ve been together for 6 months
its just that we’ve known each other for that long. so i dont...
sometimes i wonder how you can say those things like nobody supports you or nobody does this or that with me right here.
but whatever i guess
so many conflicting emotions
alkjdf
ugh i want to be done
i hate looking at my mom like this. i can’t do anything to help, and i cant get close to her because my dad just yells at me for stuff and ugh aldskfjldk
January 2012
16 posts
the three different kinds
over the course of having a tumblr. i have fallen for 3 different girls. it made me realize that they were all different. it made me realize that other than a femme, i dont really have a type for girls. the first of them, the ever so beautiful, deep profound, poet, singer, energetic, sweet and somewhat hipster, with an incredible interesting life that you’d imagine you’d see in a...
i dont know how someone could hate someone they supposedly loved
i cant even find myself to hate someone that i’ve liked
you’re such a highschool girl and that’s what i dont like about you.
you talk about people like 24/7 and even when i dont know who you’re talking about, you still go on. and then that sort of highschool mannerism carries on to other things like facebook and tumblr. so obsessed with “like my status and i’ll…” things or who is following you or how many...
i think i hate myself more and more each day
I really love Lauren. She’s incredible, and well thats really the least you could say about her. I remember when I really liked her she was everything I could ever want in a person, and well she still is, but it’s different now. I’m really glad we’re friends. I actually consider her one of my best friends. It feels nice to say that word and actually mean it because i feel...
i wish i could protect her
i still feel like i can’t find myself
i still feel lost
there’s just kind of nothing
no motivation no nothing
i’m all over the place right now
i’m happy because of her
but god my self esteem is at an all time low
and i feel more alone today than yesterday
the depression is back
it just hurts
lately i’ve wanted to cry all the time
it sucks because i just cant deal with anyone. i can’t help them because i’m too busy feeling tired for myself. its pathetic
fuck. i’m alone as fuck. whenever there’s free time i hardly see my mom because she hates being home. i avoid my dad because i hate his guts. i cant talk to mon about how i feel because i hate feeling like she’ll judge me. i dont have any friends that i feel comfortable talking to anymore because they either dont know anything to say or it has just been too long to just start...
I have no idea how ben put up with you for 2 weeks straight. like i love you, but there is no way i could put up with you that long. things are tough right now, but you don’t have any business to use your money to buy drugs rather than food or something and figure out what you need to do
i dont know what’s going on with you, or your phone or some shit, but god could you at least find some way to talk to me? you know some way to at least cancel plans we made to hang out and not just leave me waiting for you to text me back or call? i want my god damn best friend. god, no i dont even know if i want that. i’m just so sick of everything now. you’re not there for me...
break makes me realize how much i dont have out with my friends and how lonely i am. i want my friends back. i’m tired of being so lonely.
you know, i thought of suicide last night, thinking of who would care and i cried so much believing that i would be hurting a lot of people, but now, now i dont think like that so much
we all think of dying, i mean, rather the effect of our deaths. who would care? who would cry? who would be the ones to actually talk to our families? to come to the funeral and pay their respects? who would just think it’s sad and move on? And who would be the ones who didn’t know you and milk it for everything it’s worth?
I feel like an asshole sometimes because i feel like...
you know, you’ve been kind of shitty friend lately
i haven’t really felt like i’ve had any friends lately
either i’m tired of them or they just suck and keeping in contact with me
December 2011
11 posts
I like checking up on you.
wsupvanessaa:
From time to time. I want to know that you’re still happy, and everything.
too bad you never say a damn thing back
shows how much of an asshole you still are
r0yalflyness:
I think the most comforting thought in my mind is that one day there will be a girl who will sneak into bed and hold me safely all night. When I think of that, it doesn’t hurt so bad anymore.
as much as i’d like to say i feel comfortable enough with you, and that i feel stable with where we are i cant
i know you feel like you’re being bothersome when you talk to me first, and thats exactly how i feel, but i push past that. it just kinda sucks to always have to be the first one to day something. no matter what you say, that you dont want to bother me if i’m busy,...
it felt like slap to the face
like i feel like she hates me
and she doesnt even know
i hate myself
and then you just keep ignoring what i say and it doesnt help. you pinky promised me, and you forgot, then when i brought it up you didnt even say anything about it
my heart hurts.
we live in this awful world where you can never win; if you’re skinny people don’t define you as real beauty, because real beauty is having curves, but if you’re not skinny and you have curves you’ll be perceived as fat. if you’re a girl in high school and you’re a virgin, you’re a prick, but if you’ve had sex, you’re a whore. if you have...
i can feel myself drawing closer and closer to insanity
i finally realized it when i started banging my head on the table
sometimes when i think of suicide, i think of drugs
i think of just riddling my body with drugs and alcohol and becoming just a piece of shit teenager so i can kill myself slowly
and when i finally die, nobody would be sad. everyone would just think i’m a dumb ass teenager who was too arrogant to see what i was doing. in reality, i would know what i was doing, because it’d be like...
i feel like i dont have you anymore
and i know it’s only been a couple of days, and that it’s been because you’ve been sick and tired so you’ve been just sleeping a lot, but i feel just empty
and i wanna help but i cant
i wanna help a lot of people but i cant
i dont want you to be sick and i dont want lauren to be so sad and i wanna make sure audrey is safe and okay and...
i’m not exactly sure what i want right now
what i’m trying to do
i keep trying to convince myself that the reason you’re not talking to me is because you’re sick
it just feels like you arent really trying as hard as you did before
god it feels like you’re slipping right through my hands
don’t leave me
please dont leave me.
November 2011
28 posts
maybe this weekend i’ll get super high and not give a fuck about anything
i dont know
i’m just depressed lately
i need someone to hold me. to just talk to me. or be a shoulder to cry on
i need hannah.
i miss her.
just that sense of unconditional love and someone fully being there for you no matter what, ya know? she’d do whatever she could to try to make me better and she...
i wish you could rely on me more
you know? I wish you could talk to me about your problems more. I mean, if not because of this relationship-like thing we have going on, but because of us being best friends. No I wont have all the answers, most of the time I probably wont, but it’s not good to bottle everything up. I mean, I at least tried. It’s hard for me to talk about stuff, but I gave the effort to try to talk to...
Dear Future Girlfriend,
notestomyfuturegirlfriend:
You were my girlfriend last night. Today I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where we stand. Everything was so fast, and then I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t control it. I didn’t even know if what I was feeling was real, or if it was appropriate for how long we have known each other.
I don’t think I can do anything long distance. I’m a physical person. I need to...
i wish you would rely on me more
but if you did, i know it’d make it harder if/when our thing ends
i know i should end this now but i love you too much, and i’m a bit too selfish to let you be happy with someone else
plus, i dont have it in me to hurt you.
i dont want anyone to hurt you
especially me
i’m too insecure and unstable for anyone to be happy with me
i could have anything in the world
and yet i cant have the girl i love
Mom: I want to try to deep fry the turkey this year
Me: No.
this is one of those "Cross out what you've done"...
Cross out what you’ve done
1. had sex
2. bought condoms
3. gotten pregnant
4. failed a class
5. kissed a boy
6. kissed a girl
7. used a little paper bag for lunch
8. had a job
9. slipped on ice
10. missed the school bus
11. left the house without my wallet/purse
12. bullied someone on the internet
13. sexted
14. had sex in public
15. played on a sports team
16. smoked weed
17....
sometimes i feel like she doesn’t really care when we talk
it’s kinda lame but i always try to remember that she says that she always wants to talk to me, even if she doesnt show it
i’d just like to know i’m not wasting my time.
i’m tired of wasting my time on people who in reality want nothing to do with me
i’m delusional for thinking that someone would...
as much as i’d love to have the typical teenage life of partying and alcohol and stuff because i think it’s much easier to be blissfully stupid, i’m just not one to do it. not that i have a problem with teenagers who live that life, i mean some aspects of it i just find to be completely idiotic, but if you want to do that, go do your thing, it doesn’t affect me so go ahead....
11:11
Oh god please don’t riddle me the “oh it gives me hope” If a time where numbers repeat is the only hope you have, then damn, I feel sorry for you. I’d rather turn to religion then some damn date and time, and I have.
Your wish was that your boyfriend would text you. get off your lazy fucking ass, take some initiative and text him your fucking self. if you can do it your...
2 tags
i think it’s scary how much i relate to mike’s relationship with his dad
i mean everything was pretty much exactly the same except for the being a dancer part.